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Friday, May 27, 2011

How To Be Cool And Attractive

“Do you know the old story about the Sun and the North Wind having a bet about which one of them could get some guy to take his coat off? Well, the North Wind had a go and blew his hardest, but the guy just clung to his coat with all his strength. But all the Sun had to do was shine and the guy took off his coat because he was too hot. Truly ‘cool’ people shine a kind of calm control that everyone else secretly wants, and so they find it attractive..”
“The Art of Being Cool and Attractive,” is a social skills method designed to help develop an approach to others that will attract the right amount of the right kind of positive attention.
It is an exerpt from an article in our Journal archive that I thought deserved a little more attention.
The ‘art’ is contained in ten laws. How well do you follow them?
1. Learn to do with less attention than you would like at the moment
2. Do not compete with other people for attention
3. Say less than is necessary
4. Learn to behave well from those who don’t know how to
5. Do not ‘freeload’ or overstay your welcome
6. Never whine
7. Appear unhurried
8. Be different — but not too different
9. Appear not to want things you cannot have
10. Exercise courtesy and tact at all times.

Friday, April 29, 2011

8 powerful ways to make people like you

Socializing is an important part of life. It’s healthy to meet many people who like your presence. The good news is that it’s possible to make yourself likable. After all, becoming popular is a learnable skill. Here are 8 ways to make people like you:
1.    Being caring
Showing concern for people around you shows that you are a human being who radiates warmth, comfort, and love. People love to be cared for, but not many are willing to give love in this harsh reality. You should be the one to do so.
A bit of caring can mean a lot to someone. You can care by doing simple things like asking about your friend’s work progress, your neighbour’s family, and your spouse’s feelings. Remember, small things count a lot in relationship.

People don’t care about you until you care about them.
2.    Praising others
People who always praise themselves in front of others are frown upon. However, if we reverse the inward self praising to outward compliment giving, things change. People have subtle ego that yearn for recognition subconsciously. By genuinely praising others, we are putting them in the limelight and make them feel good. And they will eventually come to you. That’s how you can become charismatic and popular.

Everyone quietly wishes for attention and recognition.
3.    Being generous
Observe around carefully. Cats and dogs like people who give them food. Resource is scarce in life. If we are willing to share it with others, we attract people. We have to give generously in quantity and quality so that the receivers are totally happy with us. Treating friends to a horrible restaurant is not recommended, but buying a box of fine chocolate for someone is highly encouraged. Be generous, but give others according to your means and ability.
There’s a giver and a taker – who do you prefer to go out with?
4.    Being helpful
Being generous is a good way to make others like you when time is good. However, when time is bad and people face hardship, giving others a hand and lifting some burden off people’s shoulders is praise worthy. It’s like giving a glass of cold water to a thirsty stranger in desert. People will feel good and grateful for your liberating act. Help others as much as you can, and you’ll gain the solid reputation as a kind person. People will love you.
When you are drowning, a helping hand is worth much more than a pot of gold.
5.    Smiling
A smiling person is like an open door that welcomes people in. Smiling is a non-verbal message that says you are non-threatening, approachable, and welcoming others for a conversation. It loosens people up and keeps the atmosphere relaxed. By contrast, people tend to feel suspicious and stay on guard with those who seldom smile, as if they have unwelcoming sharp fangs that bite people.
Always keep a genuine, relaxed smile on your face to tell others that you are approachable. People will like to come near you.
The popular ice cream man always smiles at the children.
6.    Being entertaining
People naturally like to laugh. So it’s good if you can bring the “feel good” factor to people by being entertaining. Having a sense of humour gives you the advantage to keep others laughing out loud. And for sure, they will come to you for more jokes (or else they will die from their boring life, figuratively speaking). However, never overdo it until you become the laughing stock. It’s silly for people to laugh not with you, but at you.
It’s cool to have entertaining skills like singing and dancing (that’s why many popular celebrities are singers). When you can sing and dance, people will definitely invite you out for karaoke and disco. You won’t drop out from any invitation, since you can spice up social events. That’s one good reason for you to enrol in salsa classes.
Laughing is the peak of life.
7.    Being hygienic
Although having good hygiene alone won’t really make you popular, NOT having it is disastrous to your social life. Horrible body odour strongly repels people. If you smell like rotten meat, people around you will pinch their noses and run to the toilet for a vomiting session, even if you can tell good jokes and dance like a pro. Keep your body clean and odourless by bathing and mouth rinsing daily. You might not want to wear the same clothes without washing for one month during hot days.
If you want people to like you, it’s essential to be hygienic.
Don’t be a pair of smelly socks.
8.    Being successful
Success is the magnet of attention. Magazines feature successful businessmen, football fans worship winning football clubs, and movie fans tightly follow top celebrities. Even strangers whom you don’t know will come to you to shake your hands and ask for autograph when you are successful.
This way of making people like you is rare but powerful. You need to put a lot of effort, learn a lot, and possibly get some luck, to reach this level. Once you achieve your success, the rest is history. So I think it’s worth to strive for success, even if the road ahead is very steep.

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Mind Reading

If a baby starts to cry several hours after drinking his last bottle, his mother knows precisely what he's feeling: He's hungry. But suppose a woman's eyes brim with tears while she watches a DVD. Her husband sinks into the couch: What is she so upset about? She might tell him directly: "This movie is so tragic. It's all about a doomed romance." That may be true. But she could be thinking about how the story reminds her of her own marital troubles. Maybe she's feeling hurt because she thinks her husband should realize what's bothering her and acknowledge it. Or maybe she isn't even aware that her real-world concerns are intensifying her reaction to the fictional couple.


Thursday, April 14, 2011

Seven Barriers to Great Communication

Many people think that communicating is easy.

It is after all something we've done all our lives.
There is some truth in this simplistic view.
Communicating is straightforward.
What makes it complex, difficult, and frustrating are the barriers we put in the way.
Here are the 7 top barriers.

1. Physical barriers

Physical barriers in the workplace include:
  • marked out territories, empires and fiefdoms into which strangers are not allowed
  • closed office doors, barrier screens, separate areas for people of different status
  • large working areas or working in one unit that is physically separate from others.

Research shows that one of the most important factors in building cohesive teams is proximity. As long as people still have a personal space that they can call their own, nearness to others aids communication because it helps us get to know one another.

2. Perceptual barriers

The problem with communicating with others is that we all see the world differently. If we didn't, we would have no need to communicate: something like extrasensory perception would take its place.
The following anecdote is a reminder of how our thoughts, assumptions and perceptions shape our own realities:
A traveller was walking down a road when he met a man from the next town. "Excuse me," he said. "I am hoping to stay in the next town tonight. Can you tell me what the townspeople are like?"
"Well," said the townsman, "how did you find the people in the last town you visited?"
"Oh, they were an irascible bunch. Kept to themselves. Took me for a fool. Over-charged me for what I got. Gave me very poor service."
"Well, then," said the townsman, "you'll find them pretty much the same here."

3. Emotional barriers

One of the chief barriers to open and free communications is the emotional barrier. It is comprised mainly of fear, mistrust and suspicion. The roots of our emotional mistrust of others lie in our childhood and infancy when we were taught to be careful what we said to others.
"Mind your P's and Q's"; "Don't speak until you're spoken to"; "Children should be seen and not heard". As a result many people hold back from communicating their thoughts and feelings to others.
They feel vulnerable. While some caution may be wise in certain relationships, excessive fear of what others might think of us can stunt our development as effective communicators and our ability to form meaningful relationships.

4. Cultural barriers

When we join a group and wish to remain in it, sooner or later we need to adopt the behaviour patterns of the group. These are the behaviours that the group accept as signs of belonging.
The group rewards such behaviour through acts of recognition, approval and inclusion. In groups which are happy to accept you, and where you are happy to conform, there is a mutuality of interest and a high level of win-win contact.
Where, however, there are barriers to your membership of a group, a high level of game-playing replaces good communication.

5. Language barriers

Language that describes what we want to say in our terms may present barriers to others who are not familiar with our expressions, buzz-words and jargon. When we couch our communication in such language, it is a way of excluding others. In a global market place the greatest compliment we can pay another person is to talk in their language.
One of the more chilling memories of the Cold War was the threat by the Soviet leader Nikita Khruschev saying to the Americans at the United Nations: "We will bury you!" This was taken to mean a threat of nuclear annihilation.
However, a more accurate reading of Khruschev's words would have been: "We will overtake you!" meaning economic superiority. It was not just the language, but the fear and suspicion that the West had of the Soviet Union that led to the more alarmist and sinister interpretation.

6. Gender barriers

There are distinct differences between the speech patterns in a man and those in a woman. A woman speaks between 22,000 and 25,000 words a day whereas a man speaks between 7,000 and 10,000. In childhood, girls speak earlier than boys and at the age of three, have a vocabulary twice that of boys.
The reason for this lies in the wiring of a man's and woman's brains. When a man talks, his speech is located in the left side of the brain but in no specific area. When a woman talks, the speech is located in both hemispheres and in two specific locations.
This means that a man talks in a linear, logical and compartmentalised way, features of left-brain thinking; whereas a woman talks more freely mixing logic and emotion, features of both sides of the brain. It also explains why women talk for much longer than men each day.

7 Interpersonal barriers

There are six levels at which people can distance themselves from one another:

  1. Withdrawal is an absence of interpersonal contact. It is both refusal to be in touch and time alone.
  2. Rituals are meaningless, repetitive routines devoid of real contact.
  3. Pastimes fill up time with others in social but superficial activities.
  4. Working activities are those tasks which follow the rules and procedures of contact but no more.
  5. Games are subtle, manipulative interactions which are about winning and losing. They include "rackets" and "stamps".
  6. Closeness is the aim of interpersonal contact where there is a high level of honesty and acceptance of yourself and others.

Working on improving your communications is a broad-brush activity. You have to change your thoughts, your feelings, and your physical connections.
That way, you can break down the barriers that get in your way and start building relationships that really work.

source :

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Why SMART Goals are a Recipe for Failure

Traditional advice about goal setting teaches that we should set goals that are: Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant and Time-bound (SMART) if you want to succeed.
This works great for some and for certain tasks like maybe short-term projects like writing an article or report. However, over the long term, plans like these leave little room for flexibility. If you stick to the SMART framework, you're almost destined to fail in the long-term as such plans are extremely rigid and become too complex.

Instead of committing to a specific action plan over the long term, try choosing a theme that includes a vision of what you want to create or accomplish. In contrast to plotting a specific route on a map, consider various paths toward this specific theme. Both methods will get you to the same place over the long term, but following a general direction within a theme gives you more flexibility to explore along the way.

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Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Making Goals Real for Creative Minds

Do you avoid stating your personal goals, making resolutions or creating a business plan? Why not consider some alternatives to traditional goal-setting and future plans? If a list of written goals in linear fashion doesn't appeal to you, then consider goal-setting alternatives like those below and maybe you'll find one just right for YOU!
Experiment with new ways to visualize your future. What if revisiting your goals was FUN and creative, and you begin to look forward to this visualizing exercise. Here we explore some different ways to create goals with pictures and images in order to actually visualize life when they have been reached. Daily focus on these images helps to change and improve inner beliefs and has a significant impact on the subconscious mind.

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Friday, March 18, 2011

Mind-to-Mind Connection: How to Influence People With Your Mind

It has long been suspected that your right cerebral hemisphere, when in the alpha state, operates in a realm where time and space are of no consequence. What you think affects others... and what others think affects you!
It is rather like the invisible connection between the earth's magnetic field and every magnetic compass on earth. They are interconnected. If the earth's magnetic field were to suddenly shift then every compass in existence would swing in unison.

Likewise, if you suddenly move a magnetic compass, or any magnet for that matter, this movement will have a slight effect on the earth's entire magnetic field. Admittedly this would be so small as to be immeasurable but it would still be there.

Similarly, when you have a thought it “twitches” the entire human consciousness "thought field".

Rupert Sheldrake calls this the Morphogenetic Field. Karl Jung called it Collective Unconsciousness.
Jose Silva found a practical method of evoking and controlling this marvelous human ability at will.
The technique, which is amazingly simple, has been developed over the years but to this day more than 99% of the population are unaware of it.
In the United States it is used extensively in business to "sway" the outcome of a business proposition in favor of the person using Subjective Communication.
In personal life it has been used to resurrect a dying marriage, to name but one of its many applications.

And one of the most extraordinary applications is to use it to make people aware of your advertisement in the Yellow Pages!

Its effectiveness appears to vary between 20% and 500%. That is the results can be up to 500% better than they would have been without it.
If you consider two identical competitive businesses both vying for superior market share then the one that learns to use Subjective Communication will forge ahead. This has been tested and thoroughly proven.
Car dealers in the US who use this direct mental contact technique have reported a sharp improvement in sales. The usual comment is it brings customers out of the woodwork and actually closes more deals. US real estate agents use it also - it makes a vast difference in their commissions when used properly.
And it is a strange thing that most people are using it continually without being aware of it. Unfortunately they are also conveying mentally their fears and apprehensions. So it can work against them.
But used properly and with the correct protocol it can (and does) produce quite astounding results. Sometimes the results leave the practitioner somewhat startled. They almost seem too good to be true! Some beginners have had such amazing success that the result has literally left them "awe-struck!
If you decide to apply this magical mental technique to other areas of your life ...then things suddenly become much more interesting. You seem to be able to achieve anything you set out to and for some "strange" reason; even total strangers fall over backwards trying to help you.

Welcome to the world of direct mental influence... Subjective Communication!

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